don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
