Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
