What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize