Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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