a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
