a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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