we're chasing vodka with high fives
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
