I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
