I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
