omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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