So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
