you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
