Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
