marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
