apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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