Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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