I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Randomize
