I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
