You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
