you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize