direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
