Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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