just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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