She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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