he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
