I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
