I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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