Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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