I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
May the power of my ass compel you!!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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