My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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