Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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