you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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