No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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