love makes seman taste better
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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