I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize