Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
