it was like his penis was on wheels.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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