sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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