I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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