I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize