Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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