Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
