I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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