The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
