I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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