clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
