you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
