dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
