Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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