Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
