Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize