why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize