I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
