apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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