You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I deserve this hangover.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
