it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
