Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My balls are so social today.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
