Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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