Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
