god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
