My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
