I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
