I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
