No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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