The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
