All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize