So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
