Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
