Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
