girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
