I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
