Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
