Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
