I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
