Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
