Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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